There's something a little ill-defined, even hesitant about your development so far. I suggest a more bold, properly exploratory approach in which you simply generate more variations and push to greater extremes. Obviously, you can always dial your anatomy back a phase, but it's clear from your thumbnails and nice head studies etc. that you can communicate well through drawing, so I'd just like to see more confidence from you. What's the worst that could happen? Yes, you could create an awful thumbnail, but it would be one of many, and it would have helped you identify alternate approaches and directions for further development. In terms of generating something properly innovative, I think it would be useful to give some thought to what your hybrid self might think about itself; all the discussion of armour, etc., does quickly suggest that your hybrid self would enjoy his new form - would relish is newly 'militarised' physique, but equally, if the transformation were less integrated, less neat, less 'Marvel comics' then that would mean a different set of thumbnails entirely. Many of your classmates have been cautioned gently about the creative cul-de-sac that is 'muscular superhero with cool attributes of his animal' - as superheroes must invariably look pretty similar to what is already 'out there' - and this brief is maybe asking for something more truly imaginative. Personally, I'd like to see you taking some bigger leaps of 'what if' and some bigger visual risks.
There's a pretty big structural problem with your introduction to your written assignment - it's ill-defined and it's in the first person. Experience suggests you're a bright lad writing an introduction at the last minute to satisfy the requirements of the OGR, when what you should be is bright lad trying to produce the very best written assignment of which he's capable at this stage of his degree course.
Firstly, you've only got 1,500 words, so you need to be precise and clear-eyed about your investigative intent - so, I'd suggest that using metamorphosis narratives to explore the issue of 'humanity' is a good idea, but that's ALL you should attempt in an assignment of this length. Likewise, you should identify a limited number of case-studies by which you can illustrate this exploration, and contextually at least, 'Beauty and the Beast' is the primal narrative when it comes to the discussion of what makes a man a man. Therefore, you need to reign in your references, and state your line of argument clearly. You should also not be writing in the first person - for reasons I have discussed with your year group on a number of occasions.
I suggest you re-write this introduction - but before you do so, please go to the Rough Guide to Written Assignments on myUCA/Anatomy/Unit Materials and read (and re-read) the style guide on p22, the first person to third person conversion chart on p21, and the example essay for this unit on p34. Every hint and style-tip you could possibly need to ensure you're writing solid, evidence-based assignments is in the Rough Guide, so please, read this stuff before wasting your time writing other stuff that isn't going to make the grade.
So - in short, Gabriel - you're a talented student, but not yet a force-to-be-reckoned with, so I challenge you to up your game even at this earliest stage and accomplish something amazing in the remaining weeks.
Thanks Phil, I'm definitely gonna have to get off my ass and stop procrastinating because I know I'm capable of more. I'll soak in your review and start improving on the mentioned problems.
Layout is looking pretty tight mate, I had no idea you were familiar with design... very powerful thing to have. Presentation sells anything, especially when backed up with content which you definatly have.
One thing I will say though is you have not delved too much digitally into the concept which is a bit of a shame. The original ones you have done were much more impactful with colour. You can even coat the skin of your character with texture material allowing it to have that close up detail.
Other then that you and me need to be dialoguing a litle more then we are. I thought this would be the easier approach, unless you want to do it over email or msn or text. It doesnt bother me just yeah lets get this little issue sorted eh?
OGR 03/10/11
ReplyDeleteHey Gabriel,
There's something a little ill-defined, even hesitant about your development so far. I suggest a more bold, properly exploratory approach in which you simply generate more variations and push to greater extremes. Obviously, you can always dial your anatomy back a phase, but it's clear from your thumbnails and nice head studies etc. that you can communicate well through drawing, so I'd just like to see more confidence from you. What's the worst that could happen? Yes, you could create an awful thumbnail, but it would be one of many, and it would have helped you identify alternate approaches and directions for further development. In terms of generating something properly innovative, I think it would be useful to give some thought to what your hybrid self might think about itself; all the discussion of armour, etc., does quickly suggest that your hybrid self would enjoy his new form - would relish is newly 'militarised' physique, but equally, if the transformation were less integrated, less neat, less 'Marvel comics' then that would mean a different set of thumbnails entirely. Many of your classmates have been cautioned gently about the creative cul-de-sac that is 'muscular superhero with cool attributes of his animal' - as superheroes must invariably look pretty similar to what is already 'out there' - and this brief is maybe asking for something more truly imaginative. Personally, I'd like to see you taking some bigger leaps of 'what if' and some bigger visual risks.
There's a pretty big structural problem with your introduction to your written assignment - it's ill-defined and it's in the first person. Experience suggests you're a bright lad writing an introduction at the last minute to satisfy the requirements of the OGR, when what you should be is bright lad trying to produce the very best written assignment of which he's capable at this stage of his degree course.
Firstly, you've only got 1,500 words, so you need to be precise and clear-eyed about your investigative intent - so, I'd suggest that using metamorphosis narratives to explore the issue of 'humanity' is a good idea, but that's ALL you should attempt in an assignment of this length. Likewise, you should identify a limited number of case-studies by which you can illustrate this exploration, and contextually at least, 'Beauty and the Beast' is the primal narrative when it comes to the discussion of what makes a man a man. Therefore, you need to reign in your references, and state your line of argument clearly. You should also not be writing in the first person - for reasons I have discussed with your year group on a number of occasions.
I suggest you re-write this introduction - but before you do so, please go to the Rough Guide to Written Assignments on myUCA/Anatomy/Unit Materials and read (and re-read) the style guide on p22, the first person to third person conversion chart on p21, and the example essay for this unit on p34. Every hint and style-tip you could possibly need to ensure you're writing solid, evidence-based assignments is in the Rough Guide, so please, read this stuff before wasting your time writing other stuff that isn't going to make the grade.
So - in short, Gabriel - you're a talented student, but not yet a force-to-be-reckoned with, so I challenge you to up your game even at this earliest stage and accomplish something amazing in the remaining weeks.
Thanks Phil, I'm definitely gonna have to get off my ass and stop procrastinating because I know I'm capable of more. I'll soak in your review and start improving on the mentioned problems.
ReplyDeleteHey Gabe,
ReplyDeleteLayout is looking pretty tight mate, I had no idea you were familiar with design... very powerful thing to have. Presentation sells anything, especially when backed up with content which you definatly have.
One thing I will say though is you have not delved too much digitally into the concept which is a bit of a shame. The original ones you have done were much more impactful with colour. You can even coat the skin of your character with texture material allowing it to have that close up detail.
Other then that you and me need to be dialoguing a litle more then we are. I thought this would be the easier approach, unless you want to do it over email or msn or text. It doesnt bother me just yeah lets get this little issue sorted eh?
Anyway, catcha later mate.